The Ethos & Themes of Spike Jonze's Her (2013).

 HER

by 

Spike Jonze

Only a few films justify human emotions, experiences & feelings that they’re about and even fewer do it as good as ‘Her’. It’s as heartbreakingly personal and intimate yet universal as any movie can get. It consistently questions every notion we have about love and addresses all it's virtues and vices. Here is a breakdown of some scenes, their subtexts, and some themes the film touches.

The film opens with a shot of Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix) reading a love letter, at least that's what we think he is doing initially until we find out that he actually works for a business in the future this film is set in where clients pay to get letters written to their loved ones. Listening to the level of detail the letter is written in we can already make out how sensitive a person Theodore is. And later in the film, Paul (Chris Pratt) also acknowledges this by telling Theodore how touched he was.  And so it begins. The film starts asking questions to anyone who is listening. I couldn't stop but wonder about the problem this lack of communication can cause in a relationship, not just a romantic one but relationships in general, and what is going to happen when people find out how they got these letters in the first place? Have they stopped questioning this and are they just moving on? Don't we know how to express ourselves properly and have accepted this? The film offers a "dystopian" take on our progress in terms of expressing our feeling to people we love but our eternal quest to find and experience it remains the same. People even end up having casual meaningless sex and encounter people with absurd fetishes via internet phone calls. That's one narrative thread in the film that explores the physical and abstract nature of this emotion. As the film progresses this idea repeatedly pops up: The progress we made in terms of technology is undeniably evident, but we can not say the same about the way we confront real emotions and conflicts associated with it. And how do you know what is sufficient with regard to our expression? Is what we express enough and if so, how do we know that? That's another question.

The "shortcomings of communication in a relationship" part reappears once again when we are first introduced to OS1 (the operating system, who is the "female lead" of the film). An advertisement for OS1 precisely addresses these problems, ".. an intuitive entity that listens to you, understands you and knows you." it says. That's one hell of a marketing strategy and a really great line to get the attention of the consumers who at present are dying for the same exact thing, and the product is sadly very relevant: someone who can listen. Theodore falls for this and activates OS1 on his device, which after a few questions for customisation purposes comes to life with an ear candy-like voice of Scarlett Johansson. Even though she is not physically present in the film, her presence is undeniably strong, and casting her is one of the best choices ever made in the history of filmmaking. The OS names herself Samantha after she browses a book called "How to name your baby" in two one-hundredths of a second. They bond up fast and become good friends. Samantha is quite pragmatic about relationships in general initially like when she offers Theodore the most logical and practical solution about dealing with his divorce, she obviously can't incorporate the "emotional factors" into her equation, yet. But when she eventually gets it, she becomes more human and things get more complicated (they were never simple in the first place).

There is a short sequence in the film when Theodore looks at people and explains to Samantha what he thinks they are going through and feeling, he further explains how he can put himself in the shoes of other people and understand what they're feeling. It is tragic that a person with such emotional intelligence couldn't salvage his own personal relationship. It is where the film starts to question "How much do we even know about this emotion we call love?". Is it just a lie that we believe: that we can get what it is? Then there is this scene where Theodore goes on a date with a real woman, but it ends really bad because she wants him to commit during their first date itself and Theodore isn't obviously ready for anything as such at the moment. He talks about this to Samantha and it's then we get deeper into his mind and find out signs of clinical depression when he tells her how uninspired he is about life, how nothing seems to cheer him up, or how everything feels inconsequential and "small" since the split with his wife, Catherine (Rooney Mara). Samantha, who is as evolved as ever understands & backs him, and shares her own insecurities and fears. She expresses her fear about the existential crisis she went through and wonders if her feelings were real or if they're just good programming which makes us question the nature of our own human feelings. And then she explains how she is proud about accepting what she is and how hopeful she is for the future. And following these confessions, they then have a virtual sexual intercourse which is the emotional antithesis of what Theodore does at the beginning of the film. What do we actually long for we long for love? The emotional bonding here almost suggests that our notion about love and why we so badly want someone to be there could be ever-changing. We might just try to gain something that we feel is lacking in our lives through someone and perceive it as love. Both of them needed someone who needs to listen to them and accept who they're, they find it in one another and hence get what they wanted. That could be true. Or is it? Is it something else? The composition of this scene is abstract and with that begins another subtext that continues into the subsequent scenes. They visit a beach when Samantha writes a piece of music which she describes as her way of picturing being at the beach with Theodore. That's how the abstractness of love or simply the idea of being in love and being with one another, either in one another's thoughts or being physically together is further explored, the very notion of 'feeling anything' is beautifully composed as a token that is the emotional equivalent of a photograph, but only it is a short musical piece, a souvenir that is compatible with their common medium. The line between being virtually together in one's thought as in remembering someone or being physically together is blurred.

As Theodore and Samantha get closer and explore their relationship further they even discuss Theodore's unsuccessful marriage where we note some lines about the dynamics of a relationship, how Theodore thought he was doing Catherine a favour by being supportive, when he supports her through her work unlike her family, and how they both evolved and changed each other eventually ending their relationship. Theodore's comments or his actions in the past may not be intentionally patronising in nature, but could this be the actual idea that started to strain his previous relationship in the first place? Might be. We further learn that Theodore is not the only one who is dating or who is in a relationship with OS1. There are many people just like him, including Theodore's best friend Amy (Amy Adams) who just split up with her husband after staying together for 8 years and found solace in the form of OS1, bringing us back to our point of how flawed the way we communicate is and how desperate we are for someone who can "acknowledge" our part of the communication process.

Then comes the scene where Theodore and Catherine sign divorce papers, where they reminisce their moments of happiness before legally ending their marriage and then Theodore tells her about Samantha. But Catherine does not take it as well as Amy did and criticises Theodore of being incapable of dealing with "real" human emotions. Taking us back to the initial idea of abstractness of love, or the virtual aspect of it. And it is further explored in a scene where Samantha hires a "surrogate sexual partner" so that she can serve as a "physical" form of what Samantha might be. Even though Theodore feels okay while not looking at her face, he feels it to be impossible to continue making love to her while looking at her. The disparity between an abstract belief and reality. Such a wonderful exploration and expression. And the film starts to suggest, maybe this feeling of being in love is something more than just physical desires or just having each other's minds. It could mean sharing something more. There's also another idea that the film shares, maybe overthink things and make everything complicated. Maybe we just need to go with the flow. This becomes noticeable as Samantha evolves and gets more "human". She begins to have certain expectations and feels like attaining certain things from the relationship unlike in the earlier parts where she is not as evolved. Maybe that's what a honeymoon period of a relationship is all about. Letting all other things go in excitement to explore, just like how Samantha was excited to learn everything about being human and the world in general, but it is only a matter of time before we realise all those things have stayed clutched to our mind all this time and they're gonna start coming back, that's when things start to strain a bit, as does their relationship. And also that we need to accept however close one might grow, they are always going to have their own set of agendas and things they want to accomplish in this world. There are definitely people who believe that it's not their only "purpose" eventually find someone to love and stay with them forever, it is something more. And it is no different in the case of Samantha, after all, she is an extremely intelligent entity, and dreams of evolving into something that is higher than her current form, which she does even though it costs her the relationship she was in with Theodore. She chooses to pursue her "goals" over being with Theodore, her most difficult choice.

The way this film ends is very satisfying, yet it is undeniably heartbreaking. It is bittersweet but fitting and serves the purpose of the film. Theodore comes to terms with the reality of his or any relationship in general. It is just two people coming together and being there for one another, but it would be unfair to expect something for the other or try to look at them as the answers to our own problems because that is not our part of the relationship. Anyone's part is just giving whatever they can. We give whatever we can without expecting something in return, that's our half or our part of relation and if the other person loves you enough to reciprocate that is their part and it is entirely up to them, over which we do not have any control. It is these expectations: expecting something to be said, something to be done in a particular that ends up hurting the people in any relation. And also no one "belongs" to one another, people change when they're together because of the other person for better or worse and may even grow apart too, even though it is not pleasing we have to accept this possibility. The sustainability of a relationship is the result of a subconscious trust in the act of reciprocation that we don't have any control over and ultimately the reciprocation itself. All you can do is give, but can not expect that reciprocation.